I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
