i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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