proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
