I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
