I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
