Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
