You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
