Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
