just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
