I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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