My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
