why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
