those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
