I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i dont even know how to be here
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
