why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
