you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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