If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
