You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
