We're facebook friends in real life
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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