I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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