dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
