Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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