I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
