She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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