i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
