i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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