I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
