where does the pee come out of this thing
Sober January is a disaster.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
