Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
