dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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