i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
