I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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