i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
