The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
