im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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