my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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