Four minutes until I can fart!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
