No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
