I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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