i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
