remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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