I CAN MOONWALK!
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
