I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
