WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
