You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
