What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
