i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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