I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
