Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
