My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
