just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
