so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
