1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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