Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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